Parental advice with a grain of salt...
May 31st 2010 09:20
Politics, religion and motherhood. Three things to never bring up in conversation if you want to keep friendships intact .Everyone has their opinions on breastfeeding or bottle feeding; how to get them sleeping all night (which theirs apparently did regularly at 2-days old); disciplining; and a myriad of other conversation starters and subsequent enders.
I’ve learned after baby #2 that it’s sort of like driving alone for the first time; you’re nervous as hell, have really no idea what you are doing, and just have to take the wheel and hope for the best.
One question I have is: why are first-borns usually the successful over-achievers? Aren’t they the child you make all the mistakes with? Cuddle them too much, panic at every sniffle, and learn about baby proofing through a vast array of near misses. One would think they would be the ones in therapy or jail. (I am not the first born, if you must know-therapy, yes, jail, no.)
In the end it’s all trial and error. So why do we insist on passing along information to anyone that will listen? Here’s a good tip to use when you are considering giving someone advice: if they didn’t ask, don’t offer.
No one wants to hear how you got your child potty trained before they could even walk, or how they recited Shakespeare before they started kindy. I have never actually met any of those wonder kids that are completely off the charts when it comes to everyday milestones. (But I must say my oldest does seem to paint a bit like Picasso, if I do say so myself.)
All kidding aside, there are a few parental realizations I feel I should pass on, even though I wasn’t asked.
•If you want your baby to poop, put on a new nappie and get them fully dressed. This works even better if you are planning on going somewhere and are crammed for time.
•Involuntarily singing "Mash Banana" in my head at 3am, when I can't sleep, is exactly why The Wiggles are millionaires.
•The sound of a squeaky rocking horse will not bother a 2-year old at all.
•Trying to explain to your child how “Winnie the Pooh” and what she does in her nappie are different, can give you a migraine.
And finally…
•People whose children make Lindsey Lohan look tame, should not be giving out parenting advice.
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